I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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