im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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