can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
