When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
