So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
