I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
