Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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