Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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