i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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