How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
