well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
