you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
