Yo dont text me then not text me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
