doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
