Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
