I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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