Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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