I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize