And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
