We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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