I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
