Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
