Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just found puke in my bra..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
