this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
