the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
