when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
