I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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