There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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