She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
