do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
