i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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