This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i've created a new STD.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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