At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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