saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't think brook has ever known best
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
