i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
