You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
