she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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