***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
