I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im six kinds of drunk right now
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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