I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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