I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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