I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
