Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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