yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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