real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i barfeds in our rink
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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