I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
