I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
