you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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