I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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