What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
