You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
