If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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