I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
