So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
