My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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