Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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