i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
