I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
