if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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