Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
