I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
