Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
