I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
