This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
vagina is talking i cant
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize