I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
