i was born a porn star she said
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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