I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
bring money and cleavage
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
