we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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