plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
