Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
