be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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