Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
