He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
