you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
