No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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