He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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